If the spouse is not an adherent of the fashionable European childfree movement, which promotes a conscious and unconditional refusal to have children in the name of personal freedom, then all other reasons for disagreeing with the conception or adoption of a child can be attributed to banal excuses. And the problem of lack of money is quite simply solved, so it should not become a stumbling block in the relationship of spouses.
Unfortunately, children are not immediately found in cabbage and even storks do not bring them. Perhaps this would simplify the situation when one of the spouses, for some reason, refuses to have children. But two people are involved in the conception of a child, and it must occur by mutual consent.
A responsible and loving man, who chose his only one and married her, will not be against children, at least in order to provide himself with the continuation of the family. More often men agree and even insist on the appearance of offspring in order to bind their beloved to themselves, to give themselves and her the pleasure of being a parent. Such husbands become wonderful fathers.
And yet, those men walk the planet who, even having fallen in love with a woman, having achieved her attention and marrying her, in the future categorically refuse to become fathers. Why?
You can hear several options for justifying refusal:
- Not ready yet, too young (in fact, “not ripe” and afraid of responsibility).
- There are already children from a previous marriage (selfishness and indifference towards a new, still childless wife).
- Physiological inability to have children due to illness or deliberate sterilization (but for the adoption of a child, the ability to conceive is not needed!).
- He wants to confidently “get on his feet” and prepare himself financially.
The last of the excuses given is perhaps the most noble, but at the same time easily overcome. Of course, if you are huddled in a rented dormitory room, ride exclusively on public transport, belong to the "young" specialists in low-paid professions and while you are barely making ends meet, it is really worth waiting with such a responsible step. In all other cases, it will not be difficult to find arguments for resolving the issue of material insolvency as a reason for abandoning children.
By and large, the fourth reason is a consequence of the first. Immaturity, psychological unpreparedness, self-doubt and lack of paternal instinct (and where does he come from if there are no children even in the plans?) Pushes the man with an important look to pronounce the objection to his wife: “A child should give birth only when he is confidently on his feet, has received a promotion in position and salary, I bought an apartment, a car, a summer residence, etc.”. And even if all this has already been acquired from you, the excuse can be transformed into a new one: “The country is unstable, property and work can be lost at any moment, we must wait”. There is only one diagnosis in these cases - not ripe!
The solution to the issue is both simple and difficult - talk to your man. Discuss with him any little things, any family purchases, vacations, work, friends, every moment of life together. Learn to trust each other and make responsible decisions together. Grow up together!
What arguments should be given to a person who refuses children because there is no money
- The desired material well-being can be expected until old age, and it may not come. And the birth of children by a woman after the age of 35-40 can turn into health risks for both the child and the mother. Added to this are psychological problems in the upbringing of a late-born child due to the large age difference between the child and his parents.
- It is almost impossible to predict all the costs for a child. Several tens of thousands of rubles are enough for some families to create a comfortable favorable atmosphere for growing up a baby. And for others, even a million dollars will not be enough. they rely on their own idealistic high expectations.
- The correct way of persuasion, easily perceived by any person, is living examples from the life of your environment: friends who became parents as students, or your mom and dad, who worked at a factory all their lives, but were able to raise and release three smart, successful children …
- Together analyze what kind of material wealth you lack to become parents. Write down these goals and, having given up the secondary ones, begin to achieve them. Most often, buying an apartment (albeit a small one, and on a mortgage) is the final step, after which it becomes meaningless to argue about children. In addition, after hearing about your family intentions, next of kin can offer their material support in achieving the goal.
